How To Improve Communications With Your Co-Parent

by Scott F. Bocchio on Aug. 06, 2020

Divorce & Family Law Family Law Divorce & Family Law  Child Custody 

Summary: It goes without saying that consistent, peaceful, and purposeful communication with your ex-spouse is essential to the success of your custody arrangement in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

How To Improve Communications With Your Co-Parent


It goes without saying that consistent, peaceful, and purposeful communication with your ex-spouse is essential to the success of your custody arrangement in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. Although this may seem absolutely impossible, it all begins with your mindset. Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose, which of course is the well being of your child or children.  Prior to having contact with your ex, ask yourself how your actions will affect your child. That way you will be able to conduct yourself with dignity. 


It is key to make your child the focal point of every discussion you have with your ex-partner. Keep in mind that it is not always necessary to meet your ex in person. Speaking over the phone or exchanging texts or emails is fine for the majority of your conversations. The goal is to establish conflict-free communication, so determine which type of contact works best for you. However you choose to have contact, the following methods can help you initiate and maintain effective communication. 


Establish A Business-Like Tone


You need to approach the co-parenting relationship with your ex-spouse just like a business partnership. The  “business” at hand is your children’s well-being. Speak or write to your ex as you would with any colleague. That means you need to be with cordial, respectful, and remain neutral. Just remember to relax a bit and talk slowly.


Listen To Your Co-Parent


Did you know that communicating with maturity begins with listening? Even if you end up disagreeing with your ex, you should at least be able to convey to him or her that you full understand their point of view. Keep in mind that listening does not signify approval, so you will not lose anything by allowing your ex to voice their opinions.


Show A Great Deal Of Restraint


You need to keep in mind that communicating with your co-parent is going to be necessary for your children’s entire childhoods, if not longer. That can be years on end depending on how old your kids are. That means you need to train yourself to not overreact to your ex. Over time you will become numb to the buttons that they try to push because they no longer matter in your life with the exception of your children. 


Make A Commitment To Meet And Or Talk On A Consistent Basis


Talking with your ex-spouse, let alone meeting with them can be incredibly difficult in the early stages of your breakup. However, when you communicate with him or her on a constant and consistent basis it will show your children that you and your co-parent are a united front. That will help make the transition a whole lot smoother. It will also ensure that things do not slip through the cracks, such as your children’s homework and activities. 


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